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The rain wouldn’t do that if it saw how beautiful they were,” Xana said. That’s the problem, I thought: we have no idea whether the universe even notices us, much less cares. Later, when I tried to understand why I ignored six months of abdominal pain, the only answer I could come up with was that I had fallen for an adult version of my daughter’s hopes. Surely the universe doesn’t wipe out good people for no reason, I thought. Surely the universe doesn’t wipe out the fathers of young children.
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Until the age of forty I had lived doing what she does most of us: I had looked for happiness outside of myself, convinced that for to obtain it I would have to fulfill everything that the world prescribes to such end. I had thrown myself into work and suppressed myself to the core any interference that could distract me from my goals, thinking that the more difficult they were, the more happiness they should have brought me. I had worked hard to check off each of the boxes on my "list" imagination of happiness, erasing any disturbance from the mind inner. I didn't want to be distracted from my goals for any reason. I told myself that, to be happy, I first had to get to the end of the list. I was hostage to a kind of hypnotic trance: I was looking for happiness outside of me and had embraced the competitive and consumerist vision that dominates the our company. So I had lost connection with my inner reality. I had fallen into the trap that most of us fall into. Now I'm sure that if I hadn't gotten to the bottom of the list, I would have I continued to worry until I died, without ever realizing that I was confusing imaginary happiness with real happiness. It was only because I crossed the finish line, and I could get one break from the rat race, that I was able to look inside myself. What I found it was a deep suffering that I pretended not to feel. My first reaction was: what's wrong? How is it possible that I am not happy when I have achieved everything that should make me so? As Simone Weil states: “Suffering is a door that we can choose to cross, and then we learn something, or refuse to open, and then nothing is added, rather it takes everything away from us." In search of the truth As I studied neuroscience, I wondered if it was possible build a computer with consciousness. If materialistic scientists they were right, as I had always thought, the answer had to be yes. I have therefore explored different ways to achieve this, finding myself reflecting deeply on the attributes of consciousness. It didn't take me long to run into the biggest obstacle: the total lack of understanding of the nature of feelings and emotions, this
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which philosophers call qualia. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't no way to convert a computer's electrical signals into qualia, because it seemed that the latter were a different kind of reality. It was like try to transform an engine into an amoeba, or the feeling of love that you try for a child in a computer program. By dint of reflection, I realized that the cause of my desperation was connected with the mystery of consciousness, and that I absolutely had to work hard to try to solve it. Such research put this enigma at the heart of my midlife crisis and led me to an experience of unexpected, unsought and spontaneous awakening, which made me understand that the consciousness is fundamental. From that moment on I embarked on a new path of research truth, which led me to investigate all aspects of reality, including the ones I took for granted and that, before, I would never have thought of taking into account. As a child I had uncritically believed in dogmas religious, in the same way I had accepted those of science. I had practically replaced some dogmas with others. I have already recounted this experience in my autobiography, entitled Silicon. From the invention of the microprocessor to the new science of awareness and published in Italy in 2019 by Mondadori. For convenience of the reader, I repeat it here with minimal changes. The awakening In December 1990, while I was at Lake Tahoe with my family during the Christmas holidays, I woke up around midnight to drink. I poured myself a glass of water from the kitchen refrigerator and, sipping, I moved away in the adjacent living room to contemplate the lake, now dark and mysterious. Back in bed, while I was waiting to go back to sleep, I heard suddenly a very strong energy emerged from his chest: he was not alone an experience never felt before, but such an extraordinary phenomenon that I could never have imagined. This living energy was love, but a love so intense and so incredibly fulfilling that it surpassed all feeling and notion I had about the nature of love. Even more incredible was the fact that the source of this love was me.
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RD LIKE NKB EXPERIENCE
It manifested itself as a broad beam of white, sparkling light, alive and beatific, which flowed from my heart with incredible strength. Then suddenly that light exploded. She filled the room and expanded to embrace the entire universe with the same white splendor. I understand then, without a shadow of a doubt, that is the substance of which everything is made what exists. It is what created the universe starting from itself. Then, with immense surprise, I recognized that that light was me! The whole experience It lasted maybe a minute, but it changed me irreversibly. My relationship with the world had always been that of an observer who perceived it outside of itself, that is, separate. Instead now I was both experiencer is the experience: an astonishing and impossible perspective imagine, which can only be understood if you have tried it before person. I was simultaneously the observer of the world and the world. I was the world observing itself! And at the same time I understood that the world is made of a substance that tastes like love and that I am that same substance! In other words, the essence of reality is a substance that knows itself in his self-reflection, and his self-knowledge is experienced as love irrepressible, dynamic and full of joy and peace. This experience contained an unprecedented sense of truth, because it was true on every level of my being. On the physical level, my body was alive and vibrant like I had never heard before. On an emotional level I I perceived it as a very powerful source of love, and on a mental level I knew with certainty that everything is "made" of love. For the first time in in my life I had experienced the existence of another dimension of reality, a dimension that previously could only be known intellectually but not experienced: the spiritual level, at which a person is one with the world. It was direct knowledge, even stronger than the certainty offered from logic; a knowledge from within rather than from without, which he had simultaneously involved all aspects of my consciousness: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. I like to think that I experienced my nature both as a particle both as a wave, to use an analogy with impossible quantum physics to be understood with ordinary logic. The particle aspect was capacity to maintain my identity despite experiencing myself as i
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world (wave aspect). But my identity was also part of world, because I felt "worldly" with "my" point of view. So now I understand that my identity is like one of the infinite points of view with which One – the All, the totality of what exists – observes and knows itself. In other words, each of us is a point of view of One, a part of One indivisible from One and, as such, eternal. That experience made me understand that, as the famous one said Lebanese poet and aphorist Khalil Gibran, “Spiritual awakening is the most essential in the life of man, it is the only purpose of existence”. She has completely changed my life and retained its intensity and original clarity over the years. Even today it continues to have on me a powerful impact. Key questions Experience the questions now. Maybe in the future / gradually / without paying attention, one day away / you will experience the answers. RAINER MARIA RILKE, Be patient The encounter with my spiritual nature began a journey of personal investigation into the nature of my consciousness, the only one I can experiment and learn. Driven by the desire to understand and reconcile the ineffable unitive experience of awakening with my usual reality, I have worked intensely on myself for the next twenty years, during the which I continued to carry out my professional activity before as CEO and then as president of Synaptics. In that period I thoroughly explored my internal reality, which I had neglected until then then, and I tried to integrate it with external reality, living simultaneously in and out of the world, so to speak. I also understood that the experience of the external world is based on the reproducibility of events shared, while that of the inner world is strictly private and can be known by others only to the extent that we communicate it.
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