Daron Larson’s line is a deceptively deep idea:
“Your strategy for living in the present will go a lot better when you accept how frequently the present sucks.”
Deep-dive points
- Being present does not mean enjoying the present.
A common misunderstanding of mindfulness is: “If I’m present, I should feel peaceful, grateful, or happy.”
But presence simply means being willing to experience what is actually happening—including boredom, frustration, loneliness, uncertainty, embarrassment, pain, or disappointment.
- The present is often ordinary, inconvenient, or unpleasant.
We can romanticize “living in the moment” as sunsets, good meals, vacations, and meaningful conversations. But most moments are much less cinematic: waiting, commuting, doing chores, answering emails, sitting in traffic, feeling tired.
If your philosophy requires the present to be enjoyable, you’ll constantly resist reality.
- Much of our suffering comes from arguing with the moment.
There is a difference between:
- “This is unpleasant.”
- “This shouldn’t be happening.”
- “I shouldn’t feel this way.”
- “My life shouldn’t be like this.”
- The first is an observation. The others add layers of resistance.
- Acceptance isn’t approval.
Accepting that something sucks doesn’t mean deciding that it is good.
You can think: “I really don’t like this, but this is what is happening right now.”
That distinction is powerful because acceptance allows you to respond intelligently rather than spending your energy wishing reality were different.
- The mind often escapes an unpleasant present through the past or future.
When the present hurts, the mind naturally says:
- “I wish I had…” → past
- “If only…” → counterfactual past
- “When X happens, I’ll finally…” → future
- “What if…” → imagined future
- Sometimes reflection and planning are useful. But sometimes they’re simply sophisticated forms of not being where you actually are.
- The paradox: accepting unpleasantness can make the moment less unpleasant.
Imagine you’re lying awake at 2 a.m.
One layer is: “I’m awake.”
Another is: “This is terrible. I need to sleep. Tomorrow will be awful. Why does this always happen?”
The second layer may create more distress than the original problem. Acceptance removes some of the struggle:
“I’m awake. I don’t like it. Let’s see what this moment is actually like.”
- Presence becomes more sustainable when it doesn’t require positive emotion.
If “being present” means feeling good, you’ll abandon it whenever life gets difficult.
If it means being available to whatever is happening, it becomes much more robust.
- There is an important difference between pain and resistance.
Pain can be unavoidable. Resistance is often optional.
For example:
Pain: “I miss this person.”
Resistance: “I shouldn’t still miss them.”
Pain: “I’m nervous about this conversation.”
Resistance: “I need to stop being nervous before I can have it.”
Pain: “Today has been awful.”
Resistance: “Today being awful means something is wrong with my life.”
- The quote also challenges the productivity version of mindfulness.
We can turn “living in the present” into another self-improvement project:
“I need to meditate better, stop overthinking, appreciate every moment, stay grateful…”
Ironically, this can become another way of rejecting the current experience.
Sometimes living in the present means simply: “I’m irritated right now.” And not immediately trying to fix your irritation.
- The deeper skill is becoming less conditional about being alive.
There’s a subtle bargain many of us make:
“I’ll be okay when…”
- I have more money.
- I find the right relationship.
- My health improves.
- Work becomes easier.
- I become more confident.
- I finally figure myself out.
- Larson’s point undermines that bargain. Life will continue producing moments that don’t fit the conditions you’ve set for being okay.
The practical takeaway
A more realistic definition of living in the present might be:
Stop requiring the present to be good before you’re willing to inhabit it.
When a moment is pleasant, enjoy it.
When it’s neutral, notice it.
When it’s painful, acknowledge it.
When something needs changing, change it.
But you don’t have to first convince yourself that the moment is wonderful.
Presence isn’t saying, “This moment is great.”
It’s saying, “This is the moment I’ve got—and I’m willing to actually be here for it.”
