Trophy years. 67-100

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How do you face the end of your life?

It is inevitable for every living creature to reach the end of life and for the light to fade. Everything ends in that moment, all at once. It’s a horrifying thought.

The first time I truly grasped the finality of life, it was too shocking to believe. I can’t claim to have lived a perfect life, but I will say it was a life filled with love and care. As a family, we cared deeply for one another. Though there were times of hurt, most of the time, we lived relatively happy lives. We, as children, relied heavily on our parents. The thought of losing our father or mother felt like the collapse of our world—the end of all laughter and happiness.

As for the end of my own life, I came to realize that everything would vanish with my passing. It’s a spiritual judgment, but it also feels like a tangible truth for any living being. Our physical death would take away everything—the ability to feel, to touch, to experience joy or sorrow. Nothing would remain. Everything we cherished, loved so dearly, worked so hard for, and held close would disappear with us. There would be no returning. Perhaps that is the root of religion: to comfort us by promising that our spirits will live on in some other form. But with so many people in the world, it’s hard for me to believe in any one form that influences everyone. Instead, I chose to bury my head in the life I knew, finding comfort where I could.

It is unbearably hard to accept the death of a loved one. Though it is unavoidable, we long to escape from it, even for a day or two—just enough time to fool ourselves with the illusion of fleeting happiness. Now, my father lies severely ill in a hospital bed. I have thought of death more than once, knowing this man who gave me life will soon leave. The grief and the heavy burden of trying to carry on make me feel weak and helpless.

I also understand that the thoughts we have in our minds are one thing, but facing reality is another. No matter how well we prepare ourselves for death, when the time comes, the final confrontation with it is still the most excruciating experience we will ever face.

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