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There is a difference between ‘doing’ awareness and ‘being’ awareness.
Doing awareness stems from ego and is an act of self-observation. It is ego observing ego.
Being awareness is to go beyond ego and to become Awareness itself. It is death to ego and an end to self-observation.
(In this context, “death to ego” means transformation).
Doing awareness is the precursor to Being awareness.
Being awareness is Presence.
Presence is to exist without attachment to Past or Future.
It is to transcend Time to become a vehicle for Eternity.
In other words, it means to reside without resistance in the Present moment.
It is to relinquish all expectations (which belong to Past) and all desires (which belong to Future).
Existing as Presence (or total Awareness) is to exist in a state of perfect harmony without putting up a fight or blocking Life as it expresses itself through you, as you.
To achieve this, one has to develop a strong ego that has purified itself through the self-reflective actions involved with Doing awareness.
Do something enough times and you will eventually become it.
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No secret.
It’s just how much you are identified with your mind - the mind that will tell you “This is hard and stupid and useless,” even after only 5 minutes of meditation. If you think that voice is “you,” and you must respond/react to it, you will indeed jump up after a few minutes. If you recognize it’s just your mind yammering, and you don’t want to continue identifying with it, feel a strong calling to disenfranchising yourself from this false identity, you will witness your mind saying this (and anything else it says,) and keep going for another 5 minutes.
After which, if your mind once again tells you nothing’s happening and you should stop meditating and get on with life, you can witness that false psychological assessment, pay it no heed, and keep going for another 5 minutes. Rinse and repeat in this way, and the next thing ya’ know, you’ve been there for an hour…or even six hours :-) If you stick for even 30–45 minutes, your mind will let go a bit, and you will naturally start to fall into very calm, pleasurable states that will give you blissful references and make you want to keep coming back.
Of course, through receiving bad information or poor teaching/guidance, you may have misguided expectations of what should be happening or what you should be experiencing, during those 5 minutes, and that could be part of what’s causing your impatience. In which case you can learn what true meditation is. I have outlined this many, many times in my Quora answers - browse my profile or, better still, (shameless plug:-) get my little book, “Watching Your Life.” (It’s on Amazon and it’s inexpensive.)
And of course, closed-eyed sitting meditation is not for everybody, not necessarily the best way to enter & sustain the meditative, witnessing state for every temperament. I did it that way, but my wife doesn’t enjoy sitting. Instead, she gets there through movement - dance and embodied inquiry - and there’s no doubt she arrives at the same ‘place’ (non-place) as deep sitting meditators do, often in less time. So go for ‘meditativeness,’ not meditation, and find what approach is best suited to your calling.
You will find this, not in your mind and ‘figuring it out,’ but rather in Silence and pure intuition.
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I can only agree with what you say about the fact that we are not our mind. But it's too easy to say that it's always our mind's fault. “We stress because of our work -> it's our mind's fault, it's always our mind's fault. But I think it's also very dangerous to always separate ourselves from our mind, people might feel depersonalized if we keep telling them that our mind is a complete separate entity from us.
What I think is that our mind must be used like a tool. It's still a part of us that keep our memories, our capacity to think, our experience from the past. It's still a part of us and NOT a separate entity from us.
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I never used the phrase ‘it’s our mind’s fault, throughout my answer. ‘Fault’ denotes blame, and I’m not making mind the enemy. You are correct in acknowledging mind can be a useful tool, necessary for certain basic human functions.
Meditation is simply an opportunity to realize we are not our minds. Depersonalization is also part of mind, a mental phenomenon only. If one realizes one is not their mind, depersonalization won’t matter - in fact it doesn’t really exist. Meditation provides an opportunity to go beyond questioning whether mind is ‘still a part of us,’ to questioning whether an “us,” a cohesive, self-enclosed ‘self,’ exists at all.
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It is said that seven days after his enlightenment the Buddha was passing by a man on the road who was struck by the radiance of his face and his peaceful presence.
The man stopped and asked , “ my friend, who are you? Are you some angel or God?”
“No,” said the Buddha.
“Well, then , are you some kind of magician?”
Again Buddha answered , “No.”
“Are you a celestial being ? “
“No.”
“Well , then what are you ?”
The Buddha replied, “I am awake.”
Buddha means “one who is awake”- self-realised.
The difference between self-realisation and enlightenment :-
What you know as ‘I' is mind's ‘I'.
There is false-self as an ‘EGO'. There is duality.There is subject and object also.
When duality of mind's ‘I’ dissolves - it is called self-realisation.
When dew drop realises itself, it is self-realisation.
When existence merges into your being that is called enlightenment.
When Ocean merges into dew drop , it is called enlightenment.
In other words - when the sixth chakra(Ajna chakra) opens then you realise your nondual self and that is called self-realisation and when the 7th - Sahasrara Chakra + 8th-Bindu Chakra and 9th -Talu chakra open then it is called enlightenment.
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