RB X “Am I truly the author of my thoughts, feelings, and actions?”

 A

This rich and comforting text provides a deeper look into the teaching style and personal journey of Wayne Liquorman, continuing the Advaita Vedanta themes of non-duality, the illusion of personal authorship, and the true nature of suffering.

Here is a breakdown of the core insights and stories within this section:

1. The Relentless Nature of Understanding (The Ram Tzu Quote)

The text opens with a striking, provocative quote from Ram Tzu (a pseudonym used by Wayne Liquorman himself): “When a glimmer of Understanding happens, you have a cancer. It will grow... Relentlessly replacing you with itself until you are gone.” In the context of Advaita, this uses the metaphor of an unstoppable disease to describe spiritual awakening. Once the core illusion of the separate ego ("me") is pierced, even slightly, the "Understanding" operates on its own momentum. It slowly eats away at the false sense of personal identity until the illusion of the separate self completely dissolves.

2. A Teaching with "Nothing to Sell"

Wayne contrasts his former life as a businessman with his role as a teacher, finding irony in the fact that his guru, Ramesh Balsekar (a former bank president), gave him nothing to market. There are no steps, no techniques, and no self-help promises. Instead of adding new knowledge, the teaching is entirely a process of subtraction—an organic questioning of our most basic assumption: “Am I truly the author of my thoughts, feelings, and actions?”

3. Apperception: The Peace Beyond Relative Understanding

Wayne introduces the term "apperception," borrowed from the philosopher-teacher Wei Wu Wei. Apperception means perception without a perceiver or knowing without a knower.

• The Biblical Parallel: He equates this to the Christian phrase, "the peace that surpasses all understanding."

• The Key Distinction: Relative peace depends on good conditions in the world. The peace of apperception coexists with whatever is happening. A person can still have preferences, anger, or sadness, but underneath it all is the liberating realization that they are not personally running the universe.

4. Sickness, Health, and the Myth of Spiritual Flaws

Wayne strongly rejects a popular New Age/modern spiritual idea: the notion that people manifest or bring sickness upon themselves due to spiritual blocks or wrong thinking. He calls this a "truly ugly notion" because it blames the victim, adding spiritual guilt on top of physical suffering. According to Advaita:

• Health and sickness are simply the natural ebb and flow of the universe.

• Suffering does not come from being sick; suffering comes from the belief that what is happening should not be happening.

• True acceptance isn't liking or approving of a terrible situation, nor does it mean being passive and not seeking medical help. It is simply the recognition that the situation exists in this moment as part of a larger, uncontrollable universe.

5. "The Divine Hypnosis" and the Story of the Son

The centerpiece of the text is Wayne's deeply human anecdote about returning home from a profound spiritual talk only to immediately lose his temper and yell at his five-year-old son. When Wayne went back to Ramesh Balsekar the next day riddled with guilt over his "Advaitic lapse," Ramesh delivered the ultimate non-dual correction: "Wayne, your yelling at your son was part of the functioning of the same Totality... You leave yourself out."

This story highlights a classic trap for seekers:

• The ego is incredibly subtle. It will easily accept the concept that "everything is Consciousness," but then it will immediately claim ownership of its failures, saying, "I failed to live up to the teaching."

• Ramesh reminds him that everything means everything. The anger, the yelling, the guilt, and the subsequent apology are all part of the universe's natural movement.

Conclusion: What is Suffering?

Ultimately, Wayne defines suffering very precisely. The reaction in the moment (anger, pain, sadness) is just the natural response of the body/mind organism. Suffering only begins when the mind extends that moment in time through the ego. Suffering is the voice that says, "I shouldn't have done that," "What does this say about ME?" or "How will this affect MY future?" The ultimate relief of the teaching is the profound relaxation into the truth that nothing—neither our greatest triumphs nor our perceived spiritual failures—is "our" personal doing.